2004-01-26|12:20 p.m.
Thanks for the kind words and thoughts for those who left me notes or checked in on me. I am ok. I really am. It just creeps up on me sometimes. I�ve never had a true addiction to anything, but I imagine that it is somewhat close to what love is like. Some days without that thing are bearable and others are not.
But I was thinking about it. On my left forearm is this tattoo:
It�s a symbol from a poem by John Donne called �A Valediction Forbidding Mourning.� The poem is about how one deals with longing and loving someone who is not nearby. He is leaving his wife in the morning to travel somewhere far. He wants her not to cry or miss him because love never separates. Through true love, physical distance should bare no pain, because love itself is not physical; it transcends such things. Donne, of the 17th century, is noted for his conceit poetry and is often called the father of the metaphysical poem. This poem is an excellent example. The gold leaf beat out into a growing circle, the compass drawing a spiral and then coming inward in a straight line (which is my tattoo), the planets circling in a Ptolemaic solar system, and several more layers of metaphor all represent the physical distance contrasted by the shortened distance created by love. The amazing thing is that the poem has even more to it than this, but since I didn�t really mean to discuss the poem and more meant to talk about what it meant to me recently, I will stop.
The poem was always a reminder to me and now it stands as a greater axiom. I know that he loves me still. We were together so long and it burnt so strongly at times that there�s no way it is gone completely. But he has made a choice. And my love still stands. So, I will just love and will not be part of his life. It is taxing, but it is me. I love easily (note: the other tattoo). I am not going to wither in this one love. I will go on, but I will always love him.
�You�re a poem of mystery. You�re the prayer inside me.�
Ok, that�s enough of that for awhile.
I�ve been really neglectful in my studies. I don�t attend very many of my classes and I am just not as enthusiastic about them as I should be. But this week I am getting my ass in gear because I have papers to write!
These are the classes I have:
-Sovereigns, Subjects, and the Modern State: Political Thought from Machiavelli to Rousseau--The course is described as: the period which marks the rise and triumph of the modern state. Central topics include the gradual emergence of human rights and the belief in individual autonomy. Readings from Machiavelli, Hobbes, Locke, Rousseau, and others;
- Special Topics/ Political Theory of Citizenship-- This class is taught by a professor I had this last quarter. The same professor also teaches the class on the Modern State; so, I will have him for two classes. This class is perfect because it examines what citizenship means and that falls perfectly into my interests in immigration studies;
-Politics of Immigration--This class is taught by a really famous and well respected scholar in the field of immigration. So, it�s really an honor to get to take this class. The class itself is described as: a comparative analysis of attempts by the United States, Western Europe, and Japan to initiate, regulate and reduce immigration from Third World countries. Social and economic factors shaping outcomes of immigration policies, public opinion toward immigrants, anti-immigration movements, and immigration policy reform options in industrialized countries.
See! If you know me at all, you�d know I�d adore these topics, but naturally I have been in a slump. But it�s coming to a point where I need to stop indulging in pain or pleasure and focus myself again.
I found my digital camera; so, I will post new pictures soon. I am buying fabric to make a shirt for an art party I was invited to and I will share how it turns out.