2002-03-22|11:41 p.m.
So, I can�t help but write a few more entries before I leave.
�I�m feeling like the ice cube in your mouth, melting away.�
I saw Clem Snide last night. The funny thing is that they weren�t even the headlining band. So, we arrived late and left early and saw only them.
They told jokes. They called Fred Durst a �pussy.� They covered the P-Diddy song �Bad Boys for Life� and Skynard song �Simple Man.� They made fun of encores. They teased the Emo kids. They dazzled me.
At one point, the lead singer passes the attention to his guitarist (musician extraordinaire, playing tuba, guitar, and banjo) who is in a band called Pee Wee Fist, which is excellent as well. The guy plays this amazing song and while it pans out I am instantly sorry that I am not carrying a tape recorder. I try to remember the lyrics hoping that I can find the song online somewhere. Then, as the song ends, I realize something. It is ok to just enjoy the song. It is even better that the moment is ephemeral and I will only have the memory of how it made me feel. It is remarkable how these moments can come into your life and never return again. And it is ok. This is a thing about life I can cherish.
�I�ll just watch your lips and your perfect white teeth and the cigarette that doesn�t belong there.�
After the concert, I go into the restroom and listen to two girls talking.
�If I saw those guys on the street I would not think they were attractive. But because they were up there on the stage making music like that, they are hot,� one girl says to another.
�Yeah, I think so too,� the other agrees.
�Let�s go cool cat,� the girl says and they leave.
I would find them attractive if they cleaned toilets. I am a sucker for clever boys and it doesn�t matter if they stand on a stage or live in a cave.
�Well I can make the bed when we awake with a hammer and nails.�
It is almost as annoying to talk about scenesters as it is to be around a bunch of them. It is as clich�d too. But, I must tell you just this once that it amazes me how uncool they can make you feel. The rejected feeling of high school compares nothing to this. These people have superiority mastered.
�My steak burning Joan Jett of Arc��
So, I have been thinking about J�s comments about my entry about people who take antidepressants. I sort of feel badly about it, but mostly because I think I didn�t explain myself well. I understand that a large part of depression is the chemical reactions within your mind. But I am coming to think that there is a reason for chemical reactions. When you get hungry your body responds with chemicals that trigger muscle spasms in your intestines and you begin to salivate. When your body needs a certain kind of nutrient it craves food that has it. Your body is an amazing machine equipped with a courier system of chemicals that get things done. So, when chemicals surge through your body and make you depressed I can�t help but think this is for a reason. Maybe these messages are not to be suppressed by medication. Maybe we need to feel these things to change something. Why does your body not accept your surroundings? I think too often we as people make the mistake of thinking comfortable life is alright. Like if you are not suffering, why should you feel sad? We think it is misplaced and erroneous. I remember reading an article in Adbusters about how people in Mexico immigrated to the US to find better life. In most cases, they did, in a sense. They made more money, had more stuff, and felt more comfortable. But they were much more depressed and needed to take medication. More people in the US, in general, take antidepressants than in any other developed nation. Why are we so sad? I mean, of course we can just soma-drug ourselves and get past it all. We can continue to function. But when do we sit down and refigure our lives? Is it worth it? To be honest I don�t know. I just wish that instead of openly talking about the types of drugs we pump ourselves with we would just talk openly about what the fuck is wrong with us. Even if it was just talking in general. Sometimes that is all that was wrong in the first place. It is a lonely world at times, even in a crowded space of people and things.
Farewell. By this time next week I�ll be getting ready to return to California, to my home.
I hope.
Word of the Day: Stygian- of or relating to the river Styx/ extremely dark, gloomy, or forbidding