2001-10-02|10:16 p.m.
I can�t help but wish I were more independent lately. For almost two months I was without a car. It was being repaired by this guy my sister knows. And you know those situations. The only thing is, I didn�t know. Now I have spent almost 200 in parts and 100 in labor, and my car still didn�t get what I needed fixed. I am a little stressed out to say the least.
I also don�t have money again. I had a whole bunch saved up. Somehow between the car, paying for bills that I shouldn�t, buying a bridesmaid dress and stuff I didn�t need for one night, lending people money, and other things, I now have nothing again. And now rent is due again, and since my stepsister, whom I live with, was out of work all that time she has no money and I have to pay all the bills this month. If this section seems even more boring than usual it is because I am complaining even more than usual.
Ok, what is wonderful about life? Well, Joshua Trees are wonderful. Look one up if you have never seen one. They are just amazing. They are like the cross breed of a cactus, a yucca, and a ordinary tree. They always seem foreign to me. Like they belong on the surface of Mars, if Mars could have once supported them. And yet the only place on Earth they grow is here, in my desert.
My dad used to tell me, �Never make friends with boys, it never stays that way.� Almost all of the few friends I have are boys.
Did I ever tell you how much I ignore good advice?
My friend who lives and attends Humbolt sent me a pendant with Durga, the Hindu warrior goddess who destroyed the evil in the world. It is one of the nicest gifts given to me in a long time. I wear it everyday now.
If you ever see Ghost World listen to the music in it, it is a gift. Or just go get the soundtrack. Living in a home full of antiques, I got to listen to this stuff all the time. Old bluegrass, Ragtime, Jazz. My dad would play my phonograph records and cylinder records of this stuff all the time. I have lived an amazing life.
Still I have never left the country. Maybe you can take me. I�ll pack up tomorrow at the rate this is going.
I keep worrying about my weight. I know that sounds incredibly shallow, and I am not even going to argue about that. But, I just want to lose about 15-20 pounds. I�d feel better. Right now I am at 130 and I am about 5�5 and I know that at that stature I am still healthy. I just want to feel small again, like in high school.
�Trying to eliminate terrorism in the world, is like saying you want to end poverty across America,� mr. g, political science professor at my school, UN club advisor, terrorism and middle east expert, and the new crush. Yes, I know, don�t fall for people just admire them, but I can�t. And it doesn�t mean I don�t love you�.
Here is a poem I will feature for my small audience:
Sonnet on the Birth and Death of a Movie Star
They say that the birth of the movie star
made the collapse of the Red Giant seem small.
A breath of pretension that left a media-scar,
an eager world of eyes took to its knees in thrall.
They followed him in and out of his home
to see what kind of a lunch a movie star ate.
A star on chart of every observation dome:
smiles, Hollywood lips, a man sent first rate.
People magazine said his career was set.
He was wearing the right suits to namely events.
But Star wanted to make a more popular bet.
They had steamy pictures they wanted to present.
There is one thing that can ruin a man of iridescent glow,
when crushing headlines make a better show.
Word of the Day: tchotchke- knickknack/ trinket.