2003-06-27|10:44 p.m.
I went to the grocery store to buy some beer and ice cream on my credit card, because I don�t have any money and I got tired of waiting until it magically appeared. As I was approaching the storefront a black girl no older than 12 and her mother were holding shoe boxes containing snack size candy bars. The girl stopped me and asked if I would buy some of the candy to help her and her mother make rent this month.
I thought of my completely empty wallet and how I�d given my last five dollars (three of which was in quarters) to A, because he needed to buy gas and didn�t have money.
I thought of what their house might look like and the red eviction notice that they were desperately fighting to keep off of it.
I thought of how my mom had just paid some of my bills and how the paycheck I just earned that day was less than that.
I thought of the courage it took from that young girl and her mother to face the humble act of asking others to help you when you really need it.
I thought of a way to get money.
I couldn�t.
�I am sorry.�
That was all I could say. If ever there was a time I wanted to help someone it was then. And I didn�t have a cent to my name.
The sun is coming out these days. It makes me feel like a character in a Dickens novel. I am a girl whose last name, meaning �long love,� gives literal significance to my constant wistful demeanor. The sun�s arrival in these past fairly gloomy days has also marked a change in my luck. I might as well be young Oliver in a new and more happy part of the plotline.
I went on Monday to an interview at a local office of a non-profit organization called Dress for Success. Dress for Success, with thousands of offices, is located all over the country. They serve to help women under the poverty line find gainful employment by providing them with new interview clothes and, depending on the office, employment training. The San Diego county office, which is luckily located about five miles from my own home, is nearly six years old and has helped over 2500 women get jobs.
The interview was not for a paying position. I found it by contacting San Diego Volunteer services when I knew that I needed to both get out of my house and do something that would make me feel useful. It sounded perfect from the email alert I got about it. A place where I would do exactly what I know how to do: be a secretary/data entry clerk.
So, I called the office where after being told several times that I wouldn�t be paid, I finally convinced them that I really just wanted to fill the position they had requested on the volunteer request site. And last Monday I found myself on a cold, dark morning stepping into an office filed among other offices in a large rather ugly, pink building. There I met the cutest woman alive. Scottish, kind-faced, and tiny, she greeted me with the most sincere welcome. She introduced herself as S (or at least that is what I will call her). For nearly twenty minutes she took me around the place, the boutique where they dress the women and the office, while telling me about the organization. I quickly learned that there were really just two people who worked there with maybe an occasional third person who came when they could. S often worked seven days a week. They were successful because it was so obvious that the people involved cared so much. I was excited about working with them.
The slightly disappointing part is that I can�t start until the end of August. It is understandable. S is going to take her first vacation in three years from the place and is going back to Scotland to see her kids.
The absolutely hopeful thing about it is that the organization is qualified to take on Ameri-Corps people and if I can get the application done tonight, maybe I can qualify for it and actually make a little money.
If I don�t, though, I still want to work there. I know that this is about the best thing to come my way in a long time.
I actually started crying in the car when I got back from the interview. It was strange. The sun literally was coming out for the first time in weeks and physical weight felt like it was being lifted.
I kept thinking all that day about how S had drawn a cute little heart near my name in the appointment book for a day in later August when I'd begin.
I cleaned almost all of my mom�s house today. It was really messy. The dogs had chewed up bits of paper on the carpet and old food on the counter and dirty dishes were attracting flies. None of it really could be blamed on my mom. She is now working fulltime in the day and afterwards is taking a Spanish class. Each day is spent out of the house except to sleep and get ready for the next day.
During my finals week she snapped at me for not cleaning up enough around the place. She was right, but it was also my finals week, and my life was stressful much like hers.
So, today I decided that I would clean the whole house. And I did.
And I also got my brother to reconsider going back to stay with my dad in AR for the summer by having him talk to our grandma. He has sorely needed a time away from here, both to give him a vacation and to give my mom a break from him and his constant misbehaving.
The house seemed to move more freely and happier. My mom ordered pizza and we sat around like a family. It was nice.
I plan on doing a lot of reading this summer. Lined up are:
Fiction:
Legally Blonde (Brown) [read]
Lord of the Rings trilogy (Tolkien)
Road to Wigam Pier (Orwell, who would have been 100 two days ago)
Demon Haunted World (Sagan)
Snow Falling on Cedars (Guterson)
Skinny Legs and All (Robbins)
The Phantom Toll Booth (Juster)
Non-Fiction:
Pigs at the Trough (Huffington) [almost done]
Counting the Public In (Foyle)
In Our Best Interest (Schulz)
And some essay compilation book on US and Latin American policy