2002-11-18|12:27 p.m.
I am not doing so hot in school here. It�s my first quarter and I am barely trying. Today, an example, I am not even going to school.
I think I am fighting the weirdest bout of depression I have ever had. That, or I am just really lazy. Both are pretty good possibilities.
I don�t feel depressed. I just feel weak. I feel as if every day is one day mixed into one and I am never at rest. But, I am not really sad in anyway. It is too hard to be sad in such a beautiful city. The weather is still quite warm with the sun still shining.
Or maybe I am sad and the sun just blinds my sight of it. I am not sure.
I am working too much these days. I am working at least 32 hours a week to keep up my health benefits and pay our numerous bills. The work is not stressful though. I simply stock shelves, do orders, serve customers, and straighten my section and others if I have more time. When I was a bookkeeper there was a certain amount of stress always there because of the single responsibility I had to keep up our store�s paperwork and keep things in balance.
Here, I am the lowest on the Cosmetics Department bureaucracy (of three people). And, if something goes wrong I might get blamed for it, but that is usually because no one will care that much. I am not the type of person people get mad at. They just keep their frustrations buried in their consciousness for later use in random unrelated fits. This both sucks because I never get to defend myself, but also is nice because I don�t have to deal with drama quite so much.
But, my work, it may come to a surprise to you, is quite laborious. I spend a lot of my day lifting heavy totes and boxes of things like shampoo and face creams and such. I am also on my feet the whole eight hours and that can lead to a lot of pain. I come home tired.
And then, when I am not working, I am helping my mom out. She recently had a surgery that has left it difficult for her to drive about and do simple things like shopping for food. Plus, my step-father was taken into the hospital two weeks ago for his dementia and will not return. She is a ball of emotions and I am the only adult she knows. Sometimes just being with her a couple hours is more draining than a busy day at work.
And then there is school. I love it. It is just that when the week swings around to that time, I am burnt. ::EXHALE::
Thank you for listening.