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2002-10-22|6:35 p.m.

Because I like meeting new and interesting people, I just met a new friend named Marc the other day, I like to use the internet to make my self available for strangers to contact. Let me just say that 95% of the people that IM me are only ready to talk about what I am wearing, want to know my A/S/L, or if I can send a picture to them. And I don�t really have a problem with that, but what is wrong with having a real conversation? So, I�ll go months were I don�t accept messages from strangers out of mistrust.

But, awhile ago I signed up for ICQ.

And today while writing a paper and getting bored, I figured out how to use it. And I met this guy, as my first official conversation through ICQ:

ALEX: hey im andy dick

shesajarofcandy: um, hi andy dick.

ALEX: hello hello

shesajarofcandy: why do you call yourself alex, andy?

ALEX: well im so popular in holywood

ALEX: how old r u broad

(this pissed me off)

shesajarofcandy: 65

ALEX: ay wey

ALEX: how old r u crap ass

shesajarofcandy: well, crap ass is probably accurate, beings that I AM 65.

ALEX: u boring

ALEX: see ya

shesajarofcandy: bye

(several minutes pass)

ALEX: eat me old

shesajarofcandy: um, alright

shesajarofcandy: not so boring now?

ALEX: hey stop that how old r u

(I decide to be fair)

shesajarofcandy: i am 21.

ALEX: ;-)

ALEX:hey what u look like

(not again)

shesajarofcandy: well, the leprosy has given me a rosy color and my obesity gives me shape.

shesajarofcandy: into that?

ALEX: hey i have no clue what u saying

ALEX: do u know english

(I get mean here)

shesajarofcandy: dictionary may be a good translator, in your case.

ALEX: maybe u should go back to school

ALEX: and take english

shesajarofcandy: um, i was thinking the opposite.

ALEX: hey how often u shave ur ass

(ok its war now)

shesajarofcandy: when you start growing stubble, i have to.

ALEX: u didnt answer it

shesajarofcandy: you ARE my ass. that was the joke. but, perhaps a translation would have helped?

ALEX: dont get mad

shesajarofcandy: i am not.

shesajarofcandy: i love Andy Dick.

ALEX: nice

ALEX: what is ur name sugar

shesajarofcandy: Bertha

(sorry all Berthas of the world)

ALEX: r u white

shesajarofcandy: I am transparent.

ALEX: what is that mean

shesajarofcandy: http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm

shesajarofcandy: this can help us be better friends.

ALEX: hey i like that

ALEX: u little smart bitch

ALEX: not in the meen way

shesajarofcandy: yeah, how could I think that calling me a bitch is "meen"?

ALEX: do u think u better "then" me

(now I start to feel bad)

shesajarofcandy: no

ALEX: loop it up

(what the hell does that mean?)

shesajarofcandy: but wouldn�t it be nice to have a conversation and not just want to "get off"

shesajarofcandy: ok, i am a little busy writing a paper.

ALEX: eat me

shesajarofcandy: um, i am going now. have a nice day.

ALEX: i will thanks

(and we say our farewells)

So, I know I was sort of a jerk. But, is this what I can expect from ICQ? Or Andy Dick for that matter?

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