2002-06-11|11:36 a.m.
Wow. I am being horrible at work and am doing nothing because the boss isn't here. I fixed a problem someone made and am sorta sitting back and relaxing. I am surprised how wonderful I feel despite the horrible neck pain I have right now. I slept in a bad position last night, I suppose, and now I am paying for it. I have been walking around with my head a bit cocked, so that it isn't as painful.
I was really upset yesterday, because the nose ring I got on Friday night came out in my sleep on Sunday night. When I found out Monday morning, I tried to get it back in, but after three hours I gave up. The hole was closed. Now I have to go back and possibly pay for it again. A said that it might be some sort of omen, but I guess I am ignoring it if it is. I am tired of omens and people and rules limiting the little fun I want to have. I am not really the kind of person that acts on whims, so I am not about to feel badly about getting a damn nose ring. It doesn't make me a wild-woman as someone said to me at work on Saturday; it simply makes me a girl with a hole in my nose. A really tiny hole.
My party went nicely. There was a lot of people there that I didn't know or didn't really want there (the host and hostess' friends). But, most of my friends were there. So, that was great. The night was filled with meatless foods, root beer (I didn't drink, amazing!), Pac Man cake, Nintendo and its Power Pad, Pictionary, games, dancing, singing, 80's music, and wonderful costumes. MM took all the pictures, and I promise that I'll get them up here as soon as they are developed. I got some pretty wonderful gifts as well. It was an all around pleasant evening.
S is leaving for Belize soon. I am pretty envious of her trip. I have yet to go outside the United States, unless you are going to count the United Nations as international property. Yeah, I am not gonna count that one either. I bet she is going to have a wonderful time and be an amazing help. She has a pretty intense affect on strangers as I have seen. I can't wait 'til she returns to hear about the adventure.
Back to the nose ring topic, it seems like most people didn't like it. A and MM said that they thought it was nice, though. That made me pretty happy. I guess that's true because I liked it so much, I almost hoped that those I care about would feel the same way. Aram also said he liked it, and that sorta made my day.
The janitor lady is no longer working at my store. I was lucky and got to talk to her before she left on Friday. She told me she had another job she worked, as well as this one, and that the other one wanted her fulltime. I told her she worked too much and smiled and wished her luck. I was pleased to have finally had the chance to have an actual conversation with her. She is a nice lady.
So, good luck to the janitor lady!
I am getting this sharp, achy feeling about moving. This weekend we start moving it all down. I am dusting off and shipping out and saying my good-byes soon.
I really like this Whiskeytown (Ryan Adam's original band) song called "Factory Girl". In the song, a boy takes a job to be near this girl that works at a factory. He never talks to her though. At the time he takes the job, she is with another guy. He notices all these nuances of her beauty, like how the kids laugh at how pure and innocent she is and how she is such a hard, diligent worker, and he sings of them. But, we find at the end of the song he is singing to her lover, who we find she has recently left. He is basically telling this old boyfriend of hers that he wishes that she were still with him, because at least when she was with the ex she was near him. In being someone else's, at least he was near her, even if it was never with her. It is pretty tragic, and then, not so. The way it is ok, and maybe beautiful, to just love someone, and maybe never have him or her.
"King of the Hill" is a pretty wonderful show, if you ask me. I did the unusual yesterday and watched some TV. The show I watched was mostly about Bobby, the only child of the Hill's. He was at a party held at his girlfriend's house. There was some Buddhist monks there at the party looking for a particular Lama they believed had been reincarnated in the area. Like in the stories I've heard, they set out the blanket with all these artifacts to have a young kid pick from the set as a test. The child passes if he picks the item that belonged to the former Lama. Everyone is assuming it is either this one well-to-do family's boy or Bobby's girlfriend. But, to everyone's surprise Bobby picks the item correctly, and the monks promise to return for a second test. Bobby is excited to possibly be a Lama, until he finds that Lamas can't have girlfriends. The monks return with more items and this time there is a mirror. The monks tell him he must pick from the blanket. Bobby sees his girl in the mirror and cleverly picks her reflection. The head monk allows this choice and announces that Bobby picked incorrectly. After everyone leaves, you can hear the other monks are astonished that the head monk said he failed. Because, we find that Bobby had chosen the mirror, an item that was once a possession of the Lama. The head monk tells the others that it was his call and that he believes the right decision was made.
I wept. I wept at a cartoon.
Stories like those get me. Any time someone is willing to drastically alter their lives or even give it up for someone else, I am touched beyond words. I guess I am a romantic. And in a way, I think that most people are. It is a huge reason that people have a hard time staying together maybe. They see and hear the stories of love so grand that people are willing to have great losses to have it and they get introspective. They ask, "Am I that in love with ___?" And then, they fail to see all the sacrifice that they have already made for their love or will have to make in the future to have it all work and they say no. All we see is the pain and loss and we regret. Regret is horrible in that sense. We always want to feel the magic that makes us want sacrifice, but hate the pain of sacrifice. Or maybe, we can stand the first couple sacrifices, but get tired after awhile. Then, the love gets tired.
Love is amazing. So, why are we surprised it can be a kick in the ass sometimes to be in it? Do we just want to avoid the bad and get straight to the happy ending? Yeah, I think so. I think we just forget we can't cheat and take the shunpike. We have to pay a toll. Maybe, for some of us, a lot of them. I am beginning to understand, maybe.
Or, I could be wrong. I am just playing this life by ear.
Word of the Day: shunpike- a side road used to avoid the toll on or the speed and traffic of a superhighway
P.S. I love you, as hard as it is.