2002-05-09|10:15 a.m.
MM hit me with some bad news last night. A guy I knew in high school, named Frank Boyd, died a short time ago. They found his body at the bottom of a cliff on the shore of a beach. His college roommates identified the body yesterday. They believe he had been drinking.
It is hitting me strangely. I could never say that I really liked the guy. In fact, if I were asked what I thought of him, I'd have to say I thought he was a difficult, hot-tempered jerk. But, in that was what made the relationship that we had. He was a good friend to my good friend Jinny and as a result I'd have to hang out with him too. He and I would argue about everything. Mostly, it made everyone laugh, which probably egged us on more. He even spent a few nights over at my house for school projects the group of us would do. Actually, he is in my first and only group homecoming picture. That homecoming, his father (they had a lot of money) paid for my stepsister to get into the dance. It was especially kind, not only because of that, but because no one is allowed to buy tickets the night of and his dad had a way of getting people to do what he wanted.
The whole thing is making me think of the girl, Liz, that was murdered last year. She was my best friend Cara's friend. Liz had moved to Texas where working at a motel was murdered by some stranger and thrown in a ditch. It was horrible news.
My mind wanders to the people I met in school. Their faces, their personalities, the path everyone thought they would take. I mean, I never felt a bond to the people I graduated with. I was so ripe to leave that place; I didn't even take pictures at graduation. But, I was secretly excited to go to class reunions to see the way that people would take their lives. I never thought about how some people just wouldn't continue.
High school is a weird place. People of all kinds occupy it. Especially here, in the high desert, people for whatever reason come from all countries to live in this area. I asked Aram what his friends thought of me back then. He said, "they thought you were mean."
This I can understand. His friends were assholes to me when they weren't ignoring my existence. So, I took on Enid's (Ghostworld) personality and let bitterness override. I was mean. But, I wasn't mean to everyone. The rejects, the radical (for high school) thinkers, and overall interesting and intelligent people I strove to make bonds with. Still, it seems like a waste to have been so selective. I passed through four years glaring at people through dark, indignant eyes who don't/won't even remember my face, my name.
I have been thinking about getting a nose ring. One small stud in the side of my nose fills my every thought it seems. But, almost everyone (i.e. A and MM) says I shouldn't. MM says that they are ugly. AA says that I don't have the personality for it. Actually, he put it like this, "You aren't cool enough for one," at which Aram got a good laugh. Am I really such a dork?
My inactivity in the last year has gained me twenty unwanted pounds. I am going to be more active and eat less. I promise. If you see me (this probably means S) make me go run or something. I am a sad case.
Matt at work, my only gay friend who isn't even good for hair cuts or talking about boys, tells me, "you never have to worry about someone stealing your cd's up here, because no one would want them." He tells me all the time that I should buy some "good" music. I ask him what I should get to humor myself. He tells me, "Do you have the soundtrack for the Titanic, that is good." Boy, did I get a laugh. Come let's pause a moment.
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.
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Ah, Titanic.
So, I decided to show you what I have:
Radiohead: 2 live albums and The Bends
Ben Fold's: Rockin' the Suburbs
Coldplay: Parachutes
Billy Bragg and Wilco: Mermaid Ave. I
Tori Amos: Singles and B-sides and Little Earthquakes
The Strokes: Is this It
I am Sam soundtrack (eek!)
Phantom Planet: Is Missing (oops, I need to return that)
Deathray: (self-titled)
Wilco: AM
Belle & Sebastian: The Boy With the Arab Strap
Sarah Harmer: Songs for Clem and You Were Here
Whiskeytown: Pneumonia
Built to Spill: live album and There's Nothing Wrong With Love
Mojave 3: Excuse for Travelers
Sigur Ros: Agaetis Byrjun
Magnetic Fields: Volumes I, II, and III
Deftones: White Pony
Pinback: their first album (I forget the name) and Blue Screen Life
NIN: Pretty Hate Machine
Beachwood Sparks: (I have no idea what the title is)
Elliot Smith: Either/ Or
Soundtrack for Chelsea Walls
PJ Harvey: Stories From the City�
Ryan Adams: Heartbreaker
Clem Snide: You're a Diamond and Moment in the Sun EP
They Might Be Giants: Flood (oops, this needs to be returned too)
Gillian Welch: Hell Among Yearlings
Bob Dylan: The Essential Bob Dylan
Three Blue Grass Compilations
Anthology of Roots Music
The Flying Burrito Brothers: Anthology
Long list, eh? Yeah, that wore me out. So, I am going to depart. Miss me.
Word of the Day: vivisection- the cutting of or operation on a living animal usually for physiological or pathological investigation (animal experimentation) especially if considered to cause distress to the subject/ minute or pitiless examination or criticism
"Vivisection, a staggering understatement." -Reality Bites.