2002-03-11|5:48 p.m.
So, my model United Nations team went down Friday to Cal State San Bernardino to compete with their team. Their team is almost three times our size and has been successfully competing for several years. Their achievments are fairly known throughout the program. So, since my coach has trained with this team himself for many years, he has been quite anxious for us to meet them and his old coach, and most admired professor. He also is terrified in some ways that we will look unprepared and timid when scrimmaging among them. Perhaps this was warranted, but he reserved none of this anxiety and left it on our plates to eat. And, being one to take everything to heart, I panicked.
For no need probably, because we all did very well. It seems we just needed to know what exactly this type of thing was like. I actually felt comfort amongst the pressure and intensity of large group debating and eased my way through it.
I was elated that evening when it was finished. That was until Mr. G, my coach, told me what someone said of me. A woman on their team, who is also a good friend of his and also on my committee, felt that I was giving her the cold shoulder. It struck me strangely. I didn't even remember talking to her, because she seemed to be constantly surrounded by others who wanted to work with her and her very apparent skills. And skillful she was. And beautiful as well. And someone I probably wouldn't like in life outside of this. She and I just seem different types of people. Yet, I seriously doubt that I gave that impression, for the fact that still remains-- I never talked to her more than our introduction. A and Mr. G added that they too thought that her reasons may not have direction. And A mentioned that I was in fact working right along side her fianc�e the whole meeting. Funny thing is, I was working with men the whole time, now that I look back on it. It just happened that way. With that sort of thing, you don't really plan, you fall into place and people work with you, as they will.
S told me that I need to work on my rejecting-others-ideas skills. Which makes sense, because I could feel myself pushing my ideas without allowing for much else in any direction. I think I really just wanted to show that I wasn't going to be manipulated, yet it became counter productive. So, this is the change that I will make.
The rest of the weekend was spent shopping for clothes suitable for this competition. It is slowly coming to completion, yet it is very challenging. Everything seems to be expensive, covered in shoulder pads, and horrible looking.
MM came up. But it felt as if he wasn't there. He moped around the entire time, and probably without blame. He had to tag along to my shopping, and to my irritated mood. I ended up feeling a failed hostess.
My work has changed its music it plays in the store from normal, pretty uninteresting pop hits to the classically horrid and lyric-less muzak (also known as elevator music). Yes, I know. How do I get up each day?
Word of the Day: colubrine- of, relating to, or resembling a snake