2001-11-08|1:17 p.m.
I have missed a lot of work lately, from being sick. �I wouldn�t say I missed it� though (Office Space). I think they are all pretty mad at me. Part of me feels bad about it, the other doesn�t care. I have been thinking I should ask to no longer be the bookkeeper. They certainly don�t pay me enough to do it, and it is a lot of pressure. I am basically in charge of making sure that everything runs smoothly with the money (both will paying the store�s bills and counting each day�s sales), supplies, inventory and its paperwork, and parties and such. I never got a raise for taking on all these responsibilities. I make very little above minimum wage, and know people that haven�t been working there as long as I have make more than me, and have half the responsibility. I think people know that they can take advantage of me. Going back to being cashier might be nice. Plus, I think I only want to work part-time. It will let me focus more on school and getting back into shape emotionally and physically.
I have been sad for a long time. Last night made it a little worse. I realized I have been a bad person. I keep hoping to travel and simplify my life to help others somehow, but in reality my own life is so messed up that how would I ever expect to do that? So, last night after crying a lot and thinking even more, I decided that I am starting anew. Maybe that is where that job idea, to work less and study more, came from. I need to start writing again. Maybe actually sending things off to publishers like I promised my creative writing teacher I would. I need to spend less money on myself, and eat out far less. I need to exercise more and do more charity work. I need to be honest to people, even when I think it will make them less happy.