2001-07-16|4:33 p.m.
I am taking a critical writing class this summer over the Internet at my college. Yesterday, my professor called me to have a conference about my final paper. So, we talked for a little and he assured me that I was on my way to finishing up the class with an �A�.
Before he hung up though, I asked him if he had corrected my last paper (a movie review on Tomb Raider, which I feel sucked-- minus Angelina Jolie, who was sexy and entertaining as ever) which I worked pretty hard on and even got some help from my best friend to make sure it would be impressive. He told me that it must have been lost in the mail since he mailed it several days ago, but he had a copy of it in front of him. So, he went over his comments with me, saying overall that it was a really well written paper and got an �A� overall.
Then, he said �But�.�
And my heart sank. He went on to say that when I used words like "hackneyed" and phrases like �crippling plot� he had doubts that it was my original work and that it sounded too professional. My mouth went dry and I could barely speak. I answered him in one word answers, telling him that he was wrong but never defending myself. He promised he wasn�t accusing me, but still felt doubtful.
By the time I hung up I was in tears. All that hard work had amounted to me looking dishonest to him. I am a little praise-seeking student who just really wanted to make me professor happy, not doubtful of my honesty. Luckily, that same best friend and my boyfriend were there, and being tough, strapping men they offered to beat him up (I am joking on multiple levels here, trust me).
I calmed down, but still felt sick for the evening. Plus, I was cranky and took it out on my strapping men.
Before I went home that evening I decided to email my professor and tell him how hurtful his pseudo-accusations were. The letter went as follows:
�Today, after you called I had to sit in silence for quite some time. I didn't even know what to think. Never in my life have I ever been accused for plagiarism. Before when you posted the comment that my brief argument "sounded professional," I felt my hard work paid off. The time I spent sitting for a couple hours writing a complete and thorough short essay, I hoped would get both a good grade and impress you. Unfortunately, I learned what you meant by sounding professional. When you passively aggressively told me that it sounded like I took my paper from some professional entertainment reviewer's own work, I was speechless. I had worked so hard on that paper. If you did not want us to use terms that professional writers use, then you should have instructed us so. I would have rather known ahead of time the type of language appropriate for this assignment, which would keep accusations from forming against me. I am disappointed that my diligence and ambition is instead interpreted as dishonesty. I know that my response may put me on less agreeable terms with you, but I can't imagine not telling you how very hurtful your comment was to me today.�
I had a long day at work today and my professor called me during my lunch time after not reaching me at my home to apologize. He also sent an email that went as follows:
�I'm very sorry that I hurt you with my remarks, but I did not accuse you of plagiarism. I am so unused to getting papers like that from my students that it puzzled me. I pondered it, but dismissed it as an unwarranted suspicion, and didn't allow it to affect my opinion of you or the grade for your paper, but nevertheless, I guess my language implied that I had suspicions. I'm sorry; they were not warranted. Thank you very much for writing me with your concerns.�
He didn�t really make me feel better. I guess, I am just a jerk for not letting it pass. It just seemed like he was being more defensive than sincere. I don�t think that Internet classes are the best thing for people as sensitive as me. I need to see people�s faces. Type-face can be so harsh, and indifferent.
I had a professor for a criminal law class once that I thought was wonderful. After telling us a story about visiting an impoverished area in India and how callous outside people could be about helping them, he said the line, �The tragedy about humans is not that they cannot adapt it is that they can.�
Its funny how used to things we get, and how easily it happens. Somewhere as I write this, thousands of cattle that lived in pins pilled up with there own excrement will be beheaded and stripped of their hides for leather. Their bodies will be either ground up for dog food or burned like a trash pile. Their lives were short and tragic. Most of us will quickly find a way to justify our pair of Nikes and leather wallets by claiming them as necessities. Maybe they are too. Or maybe we adapt too easily.
The world is not ours. It is a box inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a box.
Word of the Day: recuse (verb)- to disqualify (oneself) as a judge in a particular case; broadly, or to remove (oneself) from participation to avoid a conflict of interest.