2002-10-09|5:16 p.m.
I met someone online through this website called makeoutclub. According to the very popular site, it isn�t a dating service (but people do use it for that), but really a place to meet people for anything from starting a band to making a new friend. Thinking it would be nice to make a friend here, I entered in a profile. If you want to look at it, my username is my AIM screen name, shesajarofcandy.
I�ve met a few guys mostly. They all seem nice. Today, though, I met someone that attends UCSD. I thought I�d post the very interesting conversation we had (with his permission). We argue about a point I�ve wanted to write about for some time. Something that many of my friends think I am burdened with. Perhaps, I do. I disagree entirely though, but don�t often defend myself. Here I do:
Theguyimet: are you going to law school then?
shesajarofcandy: yeah, most likely.
Theguyimet: the world needs more lawyers
shesajarofcandy: hehehe, i hope you are being sarcastic.
Theguyimet: of course
Theguyimet: i'll probably teach college math
shesajarofcandy: to be honest....i wasn't going to become a lawyer.
shesajarofcandy: but when faced with something to actually do...
shesajarofcandy: it seemed like the only thing i could do to help people (as unlikely as that may seem)
Theguyimet: help people that's classic
Theguyimet: did you ever see the movie changing lanes
Theguyimet: i apologize for the pop-culture reference
shesajarofcandy: um� no, i haven't.
Theguyimet: haha
Theguyimet: you should see that movie
shesajarofcandy: hmm, i might.
Theguyimet: it gives you a little insight into the mindset of a lawyer
Theguyimet: albeit a corrupt one
shesajarofcandy: right, i was guessing at that.
Theguyimet: so what are you into
(a long conversation about bands we like [none of them match, mind you])
shesajarofcandy: so.
shesajarofcandy: you are more than music...
shesajarofcandy: and math...?
Theguyimet: i like the arts, chess, polemics
shesajarofcandy: the simpsons have a new chess board
Theguyimet: haha
shesajarofcandy: i live with two artists
Theguyimet: oh yeah
shesajarofcandy: at least that is their majors
shesajarofcandy: one is photography and the other is film
Theguyimet: right on
shesajarofcandy: sorry for them they have to live with a future lawyer, right?
shesajarofcandy: being scum of the earth and all.
Theguyimet: yes that definitely brings them a bit closer to the gates of hell
shesajarofcandy: hehehe.
Theguyimet: didn't dante place attorneys in their 5th circle of perdition?
Theguyimet: or was it the 6th
shesajarofcandy: maybe, but if not he should've.
Theguyimet: verily
shesajarofcandy: i was a lit major
Theguyimet: excellent i love lit
shesajarofcandy: 17th cent. was going to be my area, or so i thought.
Theguyimet: hmmm
shesajarofcandy: my all time favorite author is orwell, though.
Theguyimet: i'm lukewarm on orwell
shesajarofcandy: your favorites?
Theguyimet: he had some ingenious conceptions though
Theguyimet: i wasn't a big fan of his pen if you will
Theguyimet: animal farm was a kick in the gonads for sure
Theguyimet: i like the classics mostly
shesajarofcandy: the classics?
shesajarofcandy: any in particular?
Theguyimet: homer, ovid
Theguyimet: melville, dickens, hesse, maugham, kerouac
Theguyimet: bronte, thoreau
Theguyimet: the pillars you know
shesajarofcandy: most people don't like thoreau
shesajarofcandy: i do though
Theguyimet: he was brilliant
shesajarofcandy: maybe.
Theguyimet: hmm ok
shesajarofcandy: hmm...i am reserved with that word, maybe.
shesajarofcandy: sorry.
Theguyimet: as am i
Theguyimet: but it's appropriate in this context
shesajarofcandy: good.
shesajarofcandy: it is hard for me to absorb the minimalist idea, really.
shesajarofcandy: i mean, i like the idea.
shesajarofcandy: i am just not sure that it is all possible.
Theguyimet: minimalist?
Theguyimet: naturalist you mean?
shesajarofcandy: living in the woods with a thumb nail of financial affairs.
shesajarofcandy: only the very least of what you need there
shesajarofcandy: he was not just a naturalist.
Theguyimet: i really wouldn't dub that minimalism personally
shesajarofcandy: i don't mean that is all it was.
shesajarofcandy: that is just the part that is hard for me to accept.
shesajarofcandy: i mean, he only lived there for about two years.
shesajarofcandy: that isn't a long time, is all.
Theguyimet: it's a significant period nonetheless
shesajarofcandy: yeah.
shesajarofcandy: i am not saying it isn't.
shesajarofcandy: i just like things.
Theguyimet: there's something to be said for forsaking material possessions and such
Theguyimet: to protest against the often virulent patterns established by modern society
shesajarofcandy: right.
shesajarofcandy: very admirable.
shesajarofcandy: but orwell says that things make us who we are whether or not we like it.
Theguyimet: can you elaborate on that dictum?
shesajarofcandy: well his idea comes from a feeling against communism
shesajarofcandy: he believed that the only way someone could take away who you were was to remove your history
Theguyimet: now we're talking about an entirely different topic
shesajarofcandy: maybe....but i don't think so.
Theguyimet: and communism rewrites history?
shesajarofcandy: well you wanted an elaboration on "my dictum"
shesajarofcandy: so i was going to explain why possessions are important to people
Theguyimet: right on...continue
shesajarofcandy: you said that it was notable to throw out possessions to protest society
Theguyimet: this particular society
shesajarofcandy: i am saying that orwell made a good point, in my eyes, that keeping possesions, thus keeping personal history, is actually a protest as well
shesajarofcandy: and this doesn't mean buy a shitload of nikes
shesajarofcandy: it means keep what makes you feel like you
shesajarofcandy: for me that can be pictures, music, posters, whatever.
Theguyimet: if that's how you define yourself....
Theguyimet: in terms of temporal goods
Theguyimet: so be it
shesajarofcandy: ahh, i don't think you are being fair.
Theguyimet: perhaps not
shesajarofcandy: now i am a materialistic to-be lawyer
shesajarofcandy: nice
Theguyimet: those weren't my words
shesajarofcandy: i just like having things to remember.
shesajarofcandy: i know they aren't; it is just the feeling i get.
shesajarofcandy: i can't imagine not having certain, however unimportant to my actual existance, things in my life.
Theguyimet: this isn't confrontational at all
shesajarofcandy: i know.
Theguyimet: well then you my friend have been duped by american "culture"
shesajarofcandy: hmm.
shesajarofcandy: i don't think so.
shesajarofcandy: but i doubt i will make you see otherwise.
Theguyimet: hehe ok
shesajarofcandy: you have books at home?
shesajarofcandy: pictures?
shesajarofcandy: music?
shesajarofcandy: things that you like?
Theguyimet: no i live in a box
shesajarofcandy: liar
Theguyimet: art is different
Theguyimet: is serves a function
shesajarofcandy: hmm
Theguyimet: it serves...
shesajarofcandy: it serves?
Theguyimet: forget it
shesajarofcandy: really?
shesajarofcandy: am i being confrontational?
shesajarofcandy: i applogize if i am.
Theguyimet: no it's cool
shesajarofcandy: i really don't want to make bad terms from the first person from ucsd i have met.
Theguyimet: this is not the ideal forum for debates though
shesajarofcandy: yeah.
shesajarofcandy: strangely, i don't like debates.
Theguyimet: i do actually
Theguyimet: because i'm always right
shesajarofcandy: maybe you should become the lawyer.
shesajarofcandy: hehehe.
shesajarofcandy: you have the right philosophy.
So, what I really just wanted to say was that it seems obvious to me that being materialistic is bad character. But, that is not what I am advocating. I enjoy being who I am. And I enjoy the things I like and probably the things I like establish who I am. Think about the things that you enjoy. They probably show the very elements, complex or not, that are you.
But then again, maybe, it is wrong to like who you are, I don�t know. But, I think that liking who I am doesn�t mean not being able to change. I change everyday; which actually, is part of who I am anyway. Plus, I just really like books (and own a small library). And I like passing them on. So, by having them I am able to do that.
I really don�t like that my friends with minimalist ideals keep giving me a hard time. Most of them live at home anyway. Anything they really need they can just use from their houses. I don�t have that. So, I must buy and own silly things like pots and pans and spices and dishes. These things take up space and are a pain to move, but I like being able to use them. My parents don�t even store my childhood things, so I have to lug them around. And I even enjoy that. I like looking at my parents� old pictures and such (and my own); so if my children might like to do the same with my things, I will have them.
I even remember an incident where I was buying something for someone else and I was given a hard time. This person thought they were passing on wisdom by making a critical statement about the random gift, saying that they passed affection better without material items. The person asked if I bought gifts often for this individual, to which I said yes, to their obvious disdain. And when I gave the gift (a book) to the person I give gifts to often, they loved it and it has helped them, possibly, in their future career.
So, there.
And really, the reason why I am writing this anyway is because I really just wanted to get it off my chest. I really never try to offer my feelings about it, because like in the above conversation, no one understands. So, I am sorry for complaining. I just am exhaling.