2002-05-21|1:57 p.m.
So, why did I start crying?
Well, just about everyone regards UCLA as an excellent college. Right? Well, it hit me that it didn't matter if I wanted to go there or not. Abe didn't get accepted there. So, I wasn't going to be toting a UCLA alumni licenplate holder any time soon. I cried because I felt like a bug in a jar.
Then, I talked to my friends and sat alone thinking for some time. I wasn't going to UCLA because I knew for MY major UCSD was a better school, even if EVERYONE else thought UCLA was the overall better school. Instead, I was going to have to suck up my pride and go to the school that was simply best for me, not best for my ego.
So, I am not going to UCLA. But, I am a little happy to be able to have had the option. Which is what I reminded myself. Abe or not, I am not a bug in a jar.
I'm a jar.
With a heavy lid.
Your pop quiz kid.
A sleepy kisser.
A pretty war.
I went to a party this weekend. Abe left early to finish up a paper and go hang out with Aram and Aaron. I chose, despite Abe's fit, to stay. It was a small get together at S and TL's (their parties are described in older entries). It involved lots of food, beer, pot, and divulging secrets. I chose to enjoy only the first two.
One girl I met there was really into Roman Dirge's comic books. I had only read the Lenore series. It was interesting to hear another person talk about them and to tell me about his other work.
About an hour later she was drunk and talking to another guy. She turned to me making sure I was listening.
"I have a secret," she told the guy.
"Ok, tell me," he said.
She paused as if she were teasing him, "I've used peanut butter to get my dog to lick me."
The guy jumped out of his chair and into the air and started calling her crazy.
I was just shocked that it wasn't an urban legend. I mean, I have heard about this sort of thing three and fourfold at least.
I guess I don't really have an opinion on it. I was just sitting there pretty fuzzy, enjoying the movie and drama pan out before me.
I have been thinking a lot lately about attraction. Especially how it affects my life. I fall for people a lot. Now, this is not to be misunderstood. I don't want to leave Abe and I still love him very much. That is the thing that makes it all messed up in my head. With loving Abe, I love others. I guess my affection for people has never been limited. But, as fine and dandy as this all seems, it can be very taxing. I love without the ability/opportunity/appropriateness to express it. I end up feeling as if my insides are swollen and anxious. Such is life, right?
Holden keeps acting like a jerk. I hate the idea of having a mean dog. I take back all that I said about him liking the people that I do. It isn't even true. I love him dearly, but I really wish there was someway to cure him of it. He nearly bit Aram when he tried to pet him last night.
I have been riding my bike to work. And unbeknownst to me, I even rode it to work on Ride Your Bike to Work Day. I have been trying to lose that 20 pounds because I made a promise to myself. If I lose it, then I will get a nose ring.
I am really sad lately.
Word of the Day: contestation- controversy, debate