2002-05-06|12:11 p.m.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar -->
Where am I writing from today? Not from work, no sir. I am officially called in sick and about to meet a guru. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is about to speak before me and a large group of others, and this is all courtesy of S and her boyfriend�s mom (who paid for my ticket). I am always in need of some enlightening wisdom and going to this can only do me good right? Yeah, probably, but I am nervous as heck. MM saw him several months ago and he saw right through him.
�Are you happy?� the guru asks MM.
�Um, yes,� MM lies. And MM leaves.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar totally knew. Ok, so maybe it is quite obvious that MM is deeply sad. But will he see my emptiness? And I realize that maybe this isn�t so bad, except that I am somewhat ashamed of the dark, cold chasm hidden in my chest.
Which reminds me of a dream I had more than a year ago�.
I was standing and looking down at the middle of my chest and there was a hole in it that exposed the chest plate and ribs coming off from it. I could peer into the hole and see my lungs and heart and they were dry and old, as if I had died months ago and the organs were slowly desiccated by exposure. There was also web-like streamers connected every which way, but the webs were more like larva webs (like maggot nests) than spider webs. I could still breathe though. And my chest would lift with artificial life and the organs would rise and the hole would blow out dust. I could see the deadness inside me. I woke up with my chest feeling sensitive.
One night sitting and talking with S, she says to me:
�You�re mind has this amazing ability to keep its self inactive and lazy. It will weave its web slowly and create depression. You have to find a way to fight the webs.�
She told me how Art of Living does just that. She is a teacher-ling, a future great instructor.
I have never done the program, but I am not one to dismiss something�s worth until I try it at least. But, I am one to get completely nervous about something and avoid it.
Damn, web growing in my mind, drying up my lungs and heart.
Word of the Day: obnubilate- becloud, obscure