2002-02-28|9:13 a.m.
So, I finally broke down and went to my friend S's yoga/ Art of Living Club meetings. It was pleasant. I think I am going to take the advanced course coming up soon. It can't hurt me right?
I have been thinking about going to Belize or Mexico this summer to do community service through an Art of Living organization called the 5H. We will do things like building wells and cleaning up villages. S told me about it last week and it sounds wonderful. Six weeks working with my hands and doing yoga and being somewhere else. This is my first big chance to be out of the country.
S is a smart girl. I really like being around her.
I finally called my dad. We haven't spoken in several months. It is not like we fought or anything. It is just that my dad won't ever initiate a relationship with me, but very much desires me to do so. It gets to me though, and I almost never take the effort to do so, even though I think of everyone out there (my family all moved to Arkansas) all the time. He says he is proud of me, but he doesn't like the idea that I am flying to New York soon or thinking about going to Central America.
"Dad, you raised me. You must know that I know what I am getting into. I am a smart girl. Besides, how can you expect me to stay here encapsulated and safe and still try to stay happy?" I question him.
"You don't know what this world is like, M. People in that part of the world will kill you without blinking an eye," he says as if he were talking to a small child.
"Dad, I know that it could be dangerous. Yet, you must know that I want to do what is right. All good deeds seem to have some kind of danger attached to them. Don't you know me?" I almost plead. I am not worried that I can or can't go, because I will do as I see fit; yet, I seek his approval.
"M, I don't know you. You are my child, but I don't know you," he says honestly.
At first, I am glad that he understands that he doesn't grasp my ambitions and me. It makes me correct in my own way for a moment. But, it is later that it hits me. I am a stranger to this man who created me, who loves me unconditionally. He is the last person I ever wanted to seem alien to.
J's car is now broken. I am sorry.
Word of the Day: quaff- to drink deeply (ha, ha, ha, and you thought I meant something else)