2002-01-31|8:26 a.m.
I once knew a boy in high school in my freshman year that I thought was wonderful. He was a junior and we both were in Mock Trial together. He had freckles on his nose and dark blonde hair that fell in his eyes, and when he spoke a soft, thoughtful voice would emerge. He could do push ups with one hand, and he said he spent the whole summer building up his arms and chest to do it. And even though his strength didn't really impress me all that much, I was awed by his dedication. And of course, we both shared an appreciation for Mock Trial. These are the things that made me like him so.
Well, the year progressed and he started to get D's and F's in some of his academic classes. Mock Trial had a policy about dropping students with grades below a C and he was eventually asked to leave the team. I remembered thinking how bad it must have felt to not be part of something you care about so much just because you weren't good at something else. He was also the president of the team. I wished it wasn't so. I wasn't going to see him anymore.
Several weeks after his departure from the team, my friend, who was also on the team, and I were given call slips and brought into the front office. The peer helper teacher was there and she placed her hand on my shoulder.
"I have some terrible news to tell you," she said gently and paused.
My heart sank deep into me. I couldn't speak. What could it be? Why didn't she just say?
"Jeremy shot himself last night. He is no longer with us," she answered and completed my fears. I was guided into a room full of my other teammates.
I went to his funeral a few days after that. He was cremated, and I never really got to see his face one last time. It is strange how things just work without you. Stars collapse. Volcanoes erupt. Birds build nests. And none of it cares if I wanted it to happen or not.
I felt bad for a long time.
Word of the Day: m�lange- a mixture often of incongruous elements