2003-01-24|11:07 a.m.
It is really sort of depressing parting and breaking up. Today is the last day in this place. We are splitting things up like a divorce:
�You want this?�
�Yeah.�
�Ok, then I am taking this.�
No fighting really, though A is pretty terse with me.
I think I am being more than fair. I am giving him a lot of things that were mine so that he can make it on his own like a bunch of pots and pans, a couch, my printer, etc. Plus, I am paying all of these month�s bills because like always he doesn�t have any money. But, I really want to do all of these things. I still love him and care about him.
So, I will pretty much still do whatever I can to help him out.
It just surprises me how careless he can be with my feelings. All patience for me is gone. The I-don�t-love-you-so-I-don�t-have-to-treat-you-with-respect air fills the empty rooms.
I won�t let him see me cry though. And for the most part, I am not letting myself.
I don�t think I ever expected any of this to happen. Yet, I also knew it would happen. And that only makes sense to me, probably.
I doubt there is any future with us, though some where deep I hope for it. Maybe that aching pain will pass in time.
It is strange though how it is the really simple things that anyone could do for me, yet not simply anyone, that leave me feeling hallow. Kisses, sleeping in the same bed, laughing, watching movies, holding hands while walking in the store, running my fingers through hair, brief tickles, twirling our thumbs together are just a limited list of the things I�ll miss.
But, I promise I will get through it. And from it I will be able to do all the things I always wanted to do but couldn�t like traveling, going to any school I want, saving money, and tons of things I have never thought of because I have never really been single.
Yet, the pain is pretty much going to reside for awhile. Good-bye, A. I love you very much.
Hello, new me.